The whole point of stock photos is that they can be used to illustrate points that people need illustrated. So it makes sense that there are stock photos of, say, people in offices or people expressing extreme emotions. But in what world is someone going to need a stock photo of someone's head poking out of a toilet? Or of two people with animal heads? Yet these wild images exist, and for some reason, we just can't get enough of them.
Spaghetti for one — hold the sauce!
Bless her, this woman is trying her hardest with what she's been given here. The dodgy photoshopped steam suggests to us that, in reality, these noodles are not only sauce-free but also stone-cold.
The thought of eating that cloggy combination is enough to make us hurl — but she seems to be up for the challenge!
Just a man and his duck taking a bath
Look closely enough at this photo and you'll be able to make out this man's bare knee poking up out of the water. So he's dressed for business up top and undressed for leisure down below. What does that mean?
We think he probably needs to see somebody about this — and not the quack he's sharing a bath with.
Chickens are friends, not food
If there ever was a situation where we were looking for a "woman with a chicken" photo, we can't imagine finding this and thinking, "Nailed it!" That chicken is on a gold chain, for goodness' sake!
And what's with the 1950s decor and the fur coat? There are so many questions — and so few answers. It's cluckin' mad.
Everyone knows the best WiFi connection is in the shallows
Let's put our heads together and figure this one out. The man is in a business suit, but he's standing in tropical waters. He's clearly at work, but he's also on vacation.
And he obviously wants to save his laptop — even though his surroundings suggest he doesn't want to work. What does all that add up to? Beats us!
Just a man and his cat sailing the high seas
Credit where credit's due: the name Catanic is a stroke of genius. What really intrigues us, though, is the contents of that picnic basket. There are two baguettes, some champagne, and a couple of fish — standard selections in a life-or-death situation, maybe. But then look closer at that sandwich.
Is it just us or does it only have a bottom layer of bread and no top? That, dear reader, would be a cat-astrophic sandwich.
Hide and go reek
Do you think the woman in this picture knew that her head was going to be digitally inserted into a dirty toilet bowl?
And if she didn't, how would she feel about finding out her disembodied head is now a strange-as-heck stock photo? Her expression here suggests that nothing would surprise her, so maybe she wouldn't care.
What’s in that soup? Oh, never mind
The description of this photo highlights, in disturbing detail, exactly what is going on here. Apparently, the "creepy potato man" has farted in this hot tub/vegetable soup.
And worse, he is "leering" at "two vegetable women" who are "recoiling in disgust." What the description doesn't do is explain why... just why.
Open wide and say, "ARGH!"
There is a world in which this photo could make sense. If the "patient" here were a child, for one thing, it might seem perfectly normal for them to scream into a stethoscope.
But a grown man wearing pajamas fake-screaming at a mugging-for-his-life "doctor"? We're afraid our diagnosis is that this one is dead on arrival.
Find yourself someone who looks at you like this guy looks at watermelon
Wanna know what's really weird? This is just one photo from an entire series of pictures of this guy wearing a watermelon hat and eating or drinking watermelon. And what's worse is that in each of the ten — ten!
— photos the subject is referred to as a "bizarre man" or a "bizarre farmer." The scariest picture is the one where he has a "watermelon instead of [an] abdomen." That'll keep you up at night.
Excuse me, sir, were you looking for this?
We don't know about you, but if we were swimming in an ice hole in a skimpy bikini and a man dressed in furs set up camp right next to us, the last thing we'd do is offer him a massive fish.
Unless that fish was a subtle way of telling him to fish right off.
We're pretty sure that that pan has been photoshopped onto this woman's head. On the one hand, this makes us happy that she didn't have to suffer the indignity of having a pot on her head.
On the other hand, what was so wrong with her expression that they tried to hide it with a pot? The mind boggles.
That feeling when you just HAVE to eat the pineapple. Like, right now
We can't help thinking of Baloo the bear's wise advice when it comes to getting to grips with thorny fruit: "Don't pick the prickly pear by the paw, when you pick a pear try to use the claw."
But clearly this gentleman — gleefully going at a skin-on pineapple — hasn't watched The Jungle Book in a very long time. Or else he's been paid a mighty amount to sacrifice his mouth.
It’s a love/hate relationship
This guy loves Christmas so much that he's going to beat the cheer right out of you. He's preparing for a violent night. If you ever crossed him, you'd be Scrooged... Don't worry, we'll stop there.
We just wonder why he looks so grumpy if it's the most wonderful time of the year.
The lesser-spotted mask-faced shark
Even the shark doesn't look impressed with this one. His facial expression screams, "Seriously, guys? This is what we're going with?" Our favorite detail is the piece of elastic that's supposedly keeping the mask on the shark's face.
Because if the shark was only balancing a human face mask on its nose, then that would be totally ridiculous.
In a word — siblings
The description of this stock photo labels the boy on the right as "evil and crazy" — and he's certainly nailed the face of evil.
Our only problem is that the boy on the left does not seem to have had any hair cut off his head. At the very least, they could have given him some hair-raising bangs to add a bit of realism.
Putting aside the garishly weird use of green accessories in this image, one thing just doesn't make any sense. Look at this guy's teeth, and then look at the insanely small nibble he's supposedly taken out of that cookie. Like, really?
If we had teeth that sharp, that cookie would be gone in one. And the less said about that photoshopped dog, the better.
What could this duck possibly have done to deserve such a telling-off? Looking distractingly dashing in his tiny hat and outfit?
Whatever it was, we can tell that the waterfowl won't let the man's harsh words get to him. You know what they say, it's like water off a duck's back.
You missed a spot
That vacuum cleaner has a wire attached to it, so it clearly needs some kind of electrical power to get it working. Maybe this is why the man looks so vexed at trying to push the vacuum.
After all, finding an outlet out there would be like trying to find a particular grain of sand on a beach.
Easier than doing the washing up
What, were all the bread knives dirty? Seriously, though, the only reason we can think of for going to these extremes is if you're dead set on — wait for it — cutting carbs from your diet.
Okay, okay, no more puns. We know this picture is probably a saw subject for this poor woman.
“Man holding large rabbit and trophy”
The bizarre thing about this picture — beyond the obvious — is that there was clearly a strict brief for it. They've even made a trophy with a tiny rabbit on it especially for the occasion! But why?
As far as we can tell, there isn't even a real competition that measures the size of bunnies...
The aesthetic is tin-foil minimalism
Finally, a stock photo that actually has a reason behind it! Having a guy in a tin foil hat is shorthand for saying this person believes the government or aliens are trying to read their thoughts or control their minds.
But we love how they've taken this a step further and stuck aluminum foil over everything — including an innocent clock.
Sleeping with the fishes
That fish looks like it's wondering how things ended up this way. One day he was happily swimming about in the ocean. The next? He's lying in bed with a smiling woman wearing full make-up, a swimming hat, and a swimming suit.
And if that weren't bad enough, its flippers aren't even under the bed quilt. Could things get any worse?
I'm a professional
Kudos has to go to this baboon. They've got the demeanor of an office drone down to a T. The crossed legs. The faraway, glazed-over look. The I'm-dead-inside passive-aggressiveness. Really, the baboon deserves some kind of award.
But the creatives behind the photo have overlooked one tiny detail that ruins the whole thing: primates never answer the phone.
We come in peace
This stock photo is officially known as "ecstatic senior woman taking a pic with an alien." But we think "ecstatic" might be taking things a bit too far. "Mildly interested" is more appropriate. Maybe even "not-really-bothered."
Mind you, she has seemingly shared her lipstick with this E.T. so maybe she really is ecstatic.
Good cop, bad cop
This is the stuff of nightmares. These animal-people have human bodies and arms — but the heads of a cat and a dog.
Most disturbingly of all, the woman-cat seems to have the proportions of a woman but the chest of a cat! Where does the animal end and the human begin?! We need to lie down...
Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Ah, we've got it! She's "bending over backward" for her work! That's it, right? Do we get a prize?! Or maybe this pose is meant to represent some mental gymnastics? Whatever; it's all incredibly impractical.
But it does make us think that this woman is perhaps in the wrong career.
Nothing suspicious to see here
The title of this frightening image is "mourning woman." But are they seriously trying to make us believe that this person is sad that their loved one is dead? That creepy smile is more like something out of a horror film.
If we saw somebody doing this at an actual funeral, we'd be on the phone with the cops immediately.
If you've ever wondered what the dentist is doing behind your head...
This is why people are scared of going to the dentist. If our dentist approached us holding anesthesia and looking like this, we would be out of there in a shot.
That smile makes Steve Martin's pain-loving dentist from The Little Shop of Horrors look like a saint.
"Vegetables playing hide-and-seek in the street"
What do you get if you cross some peas, grapes, and a tomato with a carrot and a banana? One helluva strange stock photo! They do look like they're getting ready for a fight, though.
And if that did happen, we'd hate to see the mess afterward. It would look like a gone-bad fruit salad.
The eyes have it
What breed is that? In fact, what species is that?
Cat lovers everywhere have always wanted to know what their beloved pets get up to when they're not home, but stitching eyes onto unsuspecting felines — that's a step too far. And you can tell by this cat's expression that it is totally unimpressed.
The dangers of self-storage
In 1987 the band Living in a Box released the song "Living in a Box" from their debut album, Living in a Box. Here's a sample of the lyrics: "Am I living in a box?
Am I living in a cardboard box?" And for some reason, this baffling stock photo makes us think about this classic track...
It's a dog's life
Look at that good boy in the driver's seat. He has nailed the look that parents everywhere know oh so well: the let's-just-get-this-over-with look.
But you know when that doggy gets his pet-master home, it's going to be a different story. He is going straight to his room without any treats.
We hope this guy was paid well for his pain. Is he squinting or has he actually had one of his eyes impaled by a prickly spike?
He can't even pretend that he's having fun for the sake of the photo! We reckon that he's questioning all of his life decision as he embraces that cactus, too.
Walking a dog for dummies
The caption for this photo has it that two ventriloquist dolls are walking a dog. But we don't think that's what's going on here. The doll on the right clearly has his hand up the sweater of the doll on the left.
And the way the left doll's eyes are turned tells us that he wants no part of it.
You guac my world
Here's something that no editor has ever said even once in the whole history of time: "You know what we need to illustrate this article? A picture of a teenage girl holding an avocado plant while wearing a crocheted headdress."
And do you know why no editor has ever said this? Because the idea that this photo exists is absurd.
What has impaled that hunk of meat? We're almost certain we're supposed to believe that the man in this picture has skewered the steak with... a spatula? But how would that be possible?!
You'd have to dig a massive hole into the meat to get it all the way into the middle, surely?? And as for what's happened to the woman's hand, well, we're at a total loss.
“Business people covered in plastic in conference room”
That one guy is on the phone! Why is he on the phone?! Have you ever been covered in a massive sheet of plastic and thought, "You know what? This is the perfect time to make a phone call." No. You haven't.
And do you know why? Because you're an adult, and nobody has ever covered you in a massive sheet of plastic.
Pretty as a pig
Remember that scene in The Shining when Shelley Duvall interrupts a ghost wearing a weird bear costume? The only thing that would make that moment even more frightening would be if he were wearing this pig mask. It is, quite frankly, terrifying.
But we do have to commend the pig for managing to make such a good job of painting her fingernails.
Tudor Walmart haul
Imagine wandering into your local supermarket and bumping into these two. At first, you might think that you've just caught a pair of reenactors on their lunch breaks.
But when the king begins to skewer the fruit with his trusty sword, it could be best to pick out your pineapples at some other store.
The smartest giant in town
Okay, we did some actual research on this image and managed to find one real-life article that used this tremendously strange stock image.
It was on Elle's French website, and the article's title was, "Why tall women bother you." No doubt the woman in this picture would be very interested in reading that one!